Do we eat the way we make Love?
- Modern dating scene has learned new words for old hungers...
When I grew up, I was told that we eat the same way we make love. Some people use time, they linger, they study what’s on their plate, carefully digesting with all their senses. They feel the scents, the colors, the arrangements on the plate. Others dig fully in, embracing, gnawing at the bones, spitting it out, “fleshfully” delighting themselves, fast and furious. Some do different styles at different times, others are more consistent. Others don’t enjoy eating at all, and there are those who prefer to eat and not talk, just pause between the bites and gaze into each other’s eyes. You see where I’m going with this; Our character will be reveled in the way we eat, move and embody ourselves in the world. And therefore, pay careful attention to the one you desire.
3 types of relationship styles - starters, main courses and desserts
Some people enter our lives like starters, tempting and light, but gone before we’re full. Others are like desserts, sparkling champagne and borrowed nostalgia from a time we will never share. The starter is too young, the dessert is too old. The young needs adventure and experience, the old is wounded from their past and protecting themselves against future heartache. If you want to go deep, have a dedicated relationship, none of them will ever quiet the deeper hunger within. That’s where the main course comes in. Those are the ones who stay. They make life bearable and beautiful, they nurture the flesh and warm you to the bone.
Breadcrumbing
Modern love and dating scene has learned new words for old hungers. One such word is breadcrumbing; those tiny offerings of attention, teasing out your hunger, but who never fully commit to being more than a starter or dessert. This expression is by far old news in the rapid growing vocabulary of the modern dating scene. But it fits perfectly with the metaphor “we eat the way we make love”. Some are nourishing starters for sure, but others are more like the dry and supposedly free bread you get in cheap Italian restaurants. But OMG(oddess!) how expensive a waste of valuable time and calories it is. It’s barely enough to keep you seated unless you’re hungry enough, then even dry crumbs feel like a treat.
The danger is mistaking sweetness for sustenance; confuse the appetizer or the after eight, for the meal itself. If you want to be nourished you must choose what endures, not only what delights. Imagination might be satisfying, but reality is nourishing. So how do we navigate in this? If you know you are a starter or a sweet delight, with no future offerings in sight, please be true and speak you. It’s not about what’s right or wrong, it’s about finding the right size of portion for you.
A good dessert now and then, champagne, sweetness and a little reckless pleasure, won’t ruin anyone. It can be delicious and even necessary to remind the body it’s still alive. But, if what you truly want is a feeling of fullness, one that gives you strength, safety, and the quiet energy to build the life you dream of, then you are really looking for the main course. Yet, so many of us are afraid of it. Afraid of becoming too full, too anchored, too heavy to run away - if love ever turns into a cage, a kind of force-feeding place. I suggest we look at the menu again; even a main course should be chosen with care. Even the most rich and creamy truffle pasta can become sedating, slowly intoxicating and exhausting. Some people enter our lives as startes, then become our main course, we even share dessert. Some like tapas, some would go for a 7-course set menu. Just remember, you can decide how heavy the meal fits, how it sits in your body.
Love should strengthen your legs, not put shackles on them. What feeds you doesn’t have to dull you, whoever might have told you so. It should be sustaining, a meal that lets you live beyond mere existence. That is why I call it a creationship, not relationship, it’s something you consciously cook together, so you won’t have to rest at the table too full to run, or too sedated to have fun.
“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that” - as Meat Loaf (!) sings.
